Quick! When asked about best couples in films, who do you think of? Bogart & Bacall? Tracy & Hepburn? Rhett & Scarlett? (Am I showing my age damnit?) Okay more modern: the couples in Crazy Stupid Love?I remember sitting in an Eagle Rock movie theatre with Alex, my writing partner. We were in L.A. and for some reason had time to kill before we came back up here. And we both wanted to see Fargo badly.
What struck me about the movie was the tenderness and gentleness between Frances McDormand and the actor who played her husband. The acceptance. At first, the husband seemed slow, plodding and irritating to me. Then by the end of the movie, I liked him. More than that, I liked them.
To me, that's what makes a lasting relationship - tenderness. If that's present in the relationship and is the foundation of it, then most troubles/rough spots get to have a gentle blanket over them so the jagged edges don't hurt as much. And there will always be jagged edges. That's the other thing to remember.
I'm not much of a tender person. But I am learning. It's far easier for me to give tenderness then to receive it. Bratworse has been trying to teach me to receive and it's a hard lesson for someone with as many jagged edges as I have. Part of it is fear that she'll dash herself onto the cliffrocks of my personality. Part of it is fear that tenderness will wash away the rocks of my armor and expose the tender spots below.
More and more, I see us turning into a tender couple, out to support and nurture each other. And that's a good thing.