Changes as I age

Since I've been living on my own, I've never had a nice kitchen until now. Since getting the nice kitchen, I find that I'm spending a few hours in it every day, either cleaning or making stuff for me or W or the dogs. Now I'm wondering: Am I spending more time in there because it's nice and open, or was it because I was starting to spend more time in the kitchen that we got a nice and open one. The result is still the same though: I am turning into a person my youthful self would've scoffed at.

New Puppy!

Meet Loki, our newest pack member!

What a cutie, eh?

Best Couple

Quick! When asked about best couples in films, who do you think of? Bogart & Bacall? Tracy & Hepburn? Rhett & Scarlett? (Am I showing my age damnit?) Okay more modern: the couples in Crazy Stupid Love?

I remember sitting in an Eagle Rock movie theatre with Alex, my writing partner. We were in L.A. and for some reason had time to kill before we came back up here. And we both wanted to see Fargo badly.

What struck me about the movie was the tenderness and gentleness between Frances McDormand and the actor who played her husband. The acceptance. At first, the husband seemed slow, plodding and irritating to me. Then by the end of the movie, I liked him. More than that, I liked them.

To me, that's what makes a lasting relationship - tenderness. If that's present in the relationship and is the foundation of it, then most troubles/rough spots get to have a gentle blanket over them so the jagged edges don't hurt as much. And there will always be jagged edges. That's the other thing to remember.

I'm not much of a tender person. But I am learning. It's far easier for me to give tenderness then to receive it. Bratworse has been trying to teach me to receive and it's a hard lesson for someone with as many jagged edges as I have. Part of it is fear that she'll dash herself onto the cliffrocks of my personality. Part of it is fear that tenderness will wash away the rocks of my armor and expose the tender spots below.

More and more, I see us turning into a tender couple, out to support and nurture each other. And that's a good thing.

Appreciating People

Every one who has ever been to my Condo, knows of Ed. They know he's the building manager and that if anything goes wrong, he's the one to call. Not only that, but he's often the building's greeter, gossip-center, and basically heart of the building. Today, we presented him with a gift for 19 years of friendship and service. He said that we're the first to ever do that for him How is that possible!

Folks, if there's someone in your lives that's been a help for a long time, and never a hindrance, shouldn't those people deserve a reward? I can't believe that we're the first. Hopefully, we won't be the only.

R.I.P. Junior

I don't know why your death affected me so. Is it because your mom and dad were familiar sights on TV during the 80s & 90s and to see them in such anguish is heartbreaking? Or is it because suicide has impacted my life in recent years and you always seemed like the one football player I'd like to know.

All I know is, though I never rooted for the Chargers, though I disliked the Chargers vehemently, I sought your name out whenever you were on the screen.

Junior Seau, you were a great representative of the Asian/Pacific Rim. As an Asian, I was glad you represented me. Thank you. And thanks for all the great entertainment in football you've provided for 20 years.

Got sick? Prepare paperwork!

Created by: Medical Transcription

Teaching a friend about blogs

Just entering in some stuff here for a friend to see how this works.

Here I'm showing her how to add a link: Boing boing is a great site.

Here I'm showing her how to add a picture. This is a picture of my character in New Worlds, Iedo.

Writing is a bitch

I am on chapter 27 of 29 of my book. There will be one more rewrite after this, then copy editing changes. Goal is to have Chapter 29 done by June 2, (Thursday midnight). Then the serious rewrite by 9/30/11. Then have it out by 11/1/11 so I can start Nanowrimo on the next set of stories.

Wish me luck! So far, 80,000 words and counting.

Introducing Cholotto Arts!

Well, we went ahead and did it. We started an Etsy shop called Cholotto Arts. Our first items features crafts by our friend Heather McDonald and hand-drawn cards by none other but our own Bratworse - Westina Basilotto!

Every week, I'll put up a new card. This one is titled "Birthday Cupcake Card 1". If you like it, you can order it with the name you choose, lit up by candles.

Reason Jason Campbell Sucked...

... After the first two drives of the Raiders/49'ers

Hue Jackson drew up plays for the first 30 plays or so. The first drive used up 13 plays. The second drive used up 12 plays. Jason Campbell look completely lost after the first row drives. What does this tell me? Jason Campbell is a stage actor not an improv actor. He only does well when he has memorized his lines and if the opposing team follows the scripted as written by Hue Jackson.

Problem is, how many teams will follow that script?

Sinus Mucus Chunks

It's been a really long time since I've written. Life has a way of getting away from me and this past year, life zoomed away with me along for the ride. R'wick is now nearly a year old and big, and Bratworse and I just love him to bits.

This morning, as I struggled with my sinus infection/cold, I blew out what was a fairly solid chunk of mucus. It was fascinating to me how 1) big it was; 2) how technicolored it was - mostly white with yellow and red marbled in; and 3) how not liquid it was. It was more like a gelatinous cube.

I should've taken a photo but I know Bratworse would be much grossed out by this. Next time I blow out a sizable chunk, I'll document it.

Anyway, I just had to share. Aren't you glad that this is the first post after so many months of silence?

Obedience School

R'wick had his first class tonight at the Oakland Dog Training Club. It was a great success. I am so proud of him that he didn't bite a single dog. He and this german shepherd dog really hit it off, we think. We also ran through some agility lessons and he did really well. Most of the dogs there were 4 months old. He was one of the youngest there, and one of the most excited. He just wanted to meet everyone.

R'wick the Wonder Dog

We got a dog. Can you tell? Yes, it's been quite a while since I wrote on here, but life has been quite interesting, so much so that, to share it here would violate some confidences.

However, I can share that we got a dog. A husky to be specific. Why? Call it a whim, but man, has this whim paid off!

Meet R'wick. See the picture of him on the blue cushion? That's him at seven weeks when we first got him. He had old soul eyes from the start - sad eyes, but knowing eyes. The picture on the right? That's him playing in some lily pads. Yes, our boy is becoming a redhead and being crazy just like all the redheads I've ever had the pleasure to meet.

He's got an arrow on his tail as if to say "That's where I was"and he's starting to get a red strip down his spine. We had thought he'd be a gray dog but alas, nature has a sense of humor, y'know. AND, the great/bad thing? He's getting a ring around his eyes which makes for a raccoon-eyed siberian husky. Why is it great? Because it's unusual markings. Why is it bad? A walk takes twice as long because nearly everyone stops to comment on the rings around his eyes.

It was just like being around a toddler with naturally curly frizzy hair. Everyone stops to comment on it. Yes, I lived through that too.

Anyway, glad to be back and be on the lookout for exciting changes to Cholotto.com. We'll be adding temporary tattoos, sketches, and a ton of stuff.

Happy Halloween

Inanities in the Health Insurance World #2

A person is quitting the group insurance to get individual right now. Getting the individual plan would save her $12 a month. It's the same EXACT friggin' plan.

Just because of this savings, the person will waste a bunch of administrator's time (NOT DOCTORS) just to save $144 a year. And this process will probably repeat itself next year, wasting more time and money.

What, you thought your insurance premiums was going to the doctors? Nah, it's going to feed this process/status quo. After all, this employee will probably go see a doctor twice next year. But in the meantime, they probably make at least $1k off her next year. Paying a couple of brokers fees and admin time will justify the profits.

But this is how the system works. Every year two or three major insurers in your area compete. And every year they switch off being the better deal. And every year your employer switches. It's the name of the game, baby.

Inanities in the Health Insurance World #1

A client's employee moves out of state to expand their business. The employee goes to a doctor about 3-4 times in the new state, making sure to visit a doctor that was under the company's carrier. Employee gets a bill for $3k.

Why? (Here comes the inane part)

Carrier considers anything out of state, including its own doctors, out of network and therefore nothing applies.

They generously have a visiting plan, but certain restrictions apply. You know how that goes. Anything that isn't an emergency/life & death situation, well too bad.

For those of you who don't get the inanity in this, umm, do we live in the UNITED States of America? How does going out of state constitute going out of the service area? We are AMERICANS. These states are OUR states. A comprehensive UNIVERSAL plan would pretty much eliminate this possibility, doncha think?

Bad Day

Ugh! Wish I could stop caring about work. Wish these thoughts weren't around. Wish this sudden headache would go away and wish the move was completed.


-- Posted From My iPhone

Tumultuously Happy Beginnings

Today was the final day of the most important class at the school, Final Project. Everything we've been going to school for, summed up in one thirty-second to two minute package. A demo reel. It's important! A visual resume; look what I can do. 

Our ideas, abilities and pieces of our lives wrapped up and delivered, today... at 10:00am... no... 10:15am? uh huh... instructor has yet to arrive come 10:30am. How delusional we all are, thinking that maybe we would put something forth that was worthwhile. Maybe there would be something to be excited about, to be moved by, to at least show up on time for.

The inability of key people to 'stick around' long enough to view everyone's work spoke volumes. One by one we laid our dreams at their feet. One by one they apologetically left the room. It's boring and redundant, but at the very least feigned interest would have been a better end to our school career.

I've been on the verge of several emotions, instead of choosing one, I'm experiencing them all at once. On the edge of extreme emotions. Petrified between two emotions. Excitement wrestling just behind my eyes with tears of sorrow. Paranoid stress holding prolonged discussions with flawless contentment. Maybe it's just me. Maybe it's the surge of true and utter passion to experience all emotions so extremely, all at once, you can't focus. Maybe it's the lack of sleep. Maybe it's my world mingling with reality, disorienting me. In either case, I am distracted, sensitive and tired. But it wasn't just me. I wasn't the only one hurt and for once I wasn't the only one to notice it.

I wonder if I should be thankful of the disinterest experienced. The school has always excused its odd hours, as preparation for the work environment. The key people have been around the school long enough to know what gets produced by it. They would know if it was worthwhile to stick around for the entire class' demo reels. Perhaps they were just preparing me for what it is really like to package my passion, and creativity and then peddle it out, asking busy people for thirty seconds of their time...

I am not so bitter, promise I'm still sweet. I'm happy and impressed with my first draft. I'm not going to let it bother me that other's don't necessarily see it worthwhile enough to spend forty seconds of their life with. Who am I to blame them, it's only a first draft and it's not like they have any reason to care specifically about me. The people that matter to me think it's trippy, interesting, amazing, and leaves them wanting to see more. Which is precisely what this trippy, interesting artist desires! 

Then occupied with the act of making art, I was unable to sleep, now I find myself unable to sleep, because I'm full of ideas with where to take this first draft, so that it'll become a second.

-> i wrote this June 26, 2008

R = 0, T = 1

I've been completely immersed in my own little world for a good while now. Making connections with shared realities has been somewhat of a stinging slap. I'm only starting to experience it as that perfectly placed bite on my ass... I am not yet able to handle large doses. I find myself having to come up for air more frequently. 

The interrupted moments of pollution are starting to leave their mark. Another scar of some other thought that defaced my fantasy. If only I could let myself be. As though there are two of me, the brilliant child, who's company is desired and who's paintings we proudly hang with flawless lighting. The other child, who just doesn't seem to measure up, and left miserably alone, finds solace in the attention their disruption creates. Eventually they'll heal. Time hasn't taken leave for me yet.

I surround myself by entertainers, and what a delightful one have I just created. He exemplifies nearly all the things I'm currently trying to achieve. I find myself studying him as we dream of flirtatiously trying to enact our planned method of manipulation, and write the story of what happens next. It's fun! I think about coming around more. Just to re-experience the brush that painted laughter, as he simulated pleasure while eating my candy. He's one of the few that keeps my hesitation locked up. Our shared reality is not that foreboding, maybe we were meant to meet at this juncture.

My journey to find peace within myself has granted me a teacher. I think mutually even, another perfect symbiotic relationship? I've been struggling with circular reasoning, and am still blocked by unfinished theories. For some reason everything fits to adjust what happened after that, and it's making my rationale a little woozy.

Distraction is dancing with me. Distraction's been dancing with me. I'm in an energetic performance, trying some how to stand still. Focus was my date, I wonder what happened to her... Why does Distraction's dance last so long?

I'm nervous about walking into yet another world. Composed of shared realities with people I don't even know, but we claim love because there's blood. Every time I go, I want to return immediately and yet, each visit grows. I can't pinpoint the culprit of my anxiety, and somehow replace it with reason... How foreign am I?

->I wrote this in June of last year (2008)

Drinking Koolaid

"If an employer fully funds your copays (as in it won't cost the employee any money to get medical services), why then the employees would see doctors all the time!"

This is being taught to a group of brokers right now. How this makes sense to these whiteys, I've no idea. Oh yes EVERY one can take time off ALL the time to get frivolous doctors visits. What world are these people on? Just cause someone else pays does NOT mean everyone will use it up. Sheesh!

Look folks just because YOU are assholes and will take full advantage doesn't mean everyone else are opportunists!


-- Posted From My iPhone