Doing What the President Does

"By not chewing my food enough and swallowing quickly, I will teach those calories that they cannot remain in my body and create fat." - Sep. 12th, 2001

"To teach those calories that they cannot remain in my body and create fat, I will vow that I won't chew my food enough and I will swallow quickly." - June, 2002

"A new policy is set here. We have to teach calories that to stay in the body to create fat, they are terrorists! Therefore, I vow to stay the course and swallow quickly, not chewing enough." - July. 2003

"Of course we are winning the war against calories. We have those calories scared now because we keep swallowing quickly. We have them on the run now." - Mar. 2004

"The report that there has been substantial weight gain since we started swallowing faster has been distributed by partisan operators. In fact, we are winning the war against those dastardly calories also known as terrorist cells. By staying the course and swallowing quickly, we WILL defeat calories. We are in fact, bringing the war to them." - Jan. 2005

"We are setting a new policy today. Once the body can stop processing calories, we with start chewing properly. To take our time swallowing now, would dishonor those taste buds that have fallen in the line of duty. Our new policy will allow the body time to stop processing calories. We will continue to stay the course, which is of course, our new policy." - Nov. 2005

See? I too can be the worst president ever.