I don't talk about my cousins much. Well... actually, the last post was my fir... second one I think. I wrote about her younger brother once when I wrote about the Wii.
Music Teacher Cuz... She's the one closest to me in age. She is the middle child of my aunt's, who is the oldest sister of my mother. Got that? There is some affection between the two of us, I think we're actually quite fond of each other. I was just thinking back to how I used to get her gifts related to music... and how I only saw her and probably continue to see her as one note.
I suppose it can be done at this point... to have a closer relationship with her, but honestly, Music Teach and I are like a giraffe meeting a whale. Two entirely different worlds and I'm not sure that we don't look at each other's world rather dubiously. Yes, my double and triple negatives confuse me too.
I remember asking her what kind of music she listened to, once. She said she liked Jazz. But at the second I asked, a flicker of surprise? fear? wariness? crossed her face, like "Cuz, you're breaking the unspoken rules!" I never crossed that line again.
I don't asked many questions about my life.... nor do I answer many. I'm good at deflecting them and asking others about themselves... No, I used to be. Nowadays, I find it harder and harder to be interested, yet another reason I am not delving in Music Teach's life. But I do find myself curious... like is she happy with the path she's chosen? Did she feel forced to practice hour after hour or was it a nice escape like reading was to my sister and I? Is she, like us just waiting for her life to finally be her own?
Once, she, my sister and I were in a mini-van... first time the three of us got to be alone, as adults... no, as middle-aged women. You should've seen the knowing nods as we each one-bettered each other with tales of our mothers.
It was strange. As a child, I envied nearly everyone I knew, but I never once envied my cousin. I felt trapped by my sickness, my whole entire being defined by the one thing that limited me, but Music Teach? She was in a trap that was hoisted on her, I just never figured out nor will I ever, whether that trap was one of her own device or one set there by my Aunt. I've a feeling the truth is probably closer to both answers.
I wonder, most of all, whether I'll invite her to my wedding to Bratworse.
