Tuesday, June 03, 2008

My Life IS Mine


Bratworse and I have been working on some preconceived notions I have. Mind you, I am a first generation Chinese woman, which means some of these thoughts have been culturally ingrained into me through thousands of years of ancestral DNA half-remembered influences as well as well... pressure.

First notion I have that needs work: that if I am in the middle of doing something, and Bratworse or whoever else comes over to watch, I DO NOT HAVE TO STOP. Poor Bratworse has had to deal with my bad moods and my bared teeth, because I've been working under the assumption that whatever I do, doesn't count and that I have to give up my pleasures simply because someone walked over.

This is what living with my family does to you... My mother does it, my sister does it and i probably do it. That if I come over and ask you for something, you'd better damn well drop what you're doing and accommodate me because well, in my mind, I don't ask for much so how dare you disregard my interruption!

I bet half of you people of Chinese descent are rolling your eyes right now, saying to yourselves, "I know *that* one."

Second notion I have. That whatever obsessions I have currently, I have to hide it and do it secretly or rather, privately because... well, no one wants to hear or know about it.

I am bored right now. I am bored mostly because Bratworse is busy with homework so she can't play GTA IV for us. She's asking me why I don't play RockBand and practice so I will get better. She's never lived with a piano teacher and or heard a cousin play piano for 6 hours straight (I'm talking scales for 2 hours just to get the fingers just nimble enough. I'm talking daily stretching exercises with the span of the fingers just so she could get past the one octave barrier) because said cousin was going to be a concert pianist. Granted, I have absolutely NO ambition to be a concert Rock Band drummer, just one that won't get embarrassed if I form a band with others.

I need to trust others will be more than capable of speaking up if they are bored with whatever I'm doing. I need to trust others to be adults. It's hard to do.

 
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