New Puppy!

Meet Loki, our newest pack member!

What a cutie, eh?

Appreciating People

Every one who has ever been to my Condo, knows of Ed. They know he's the building manager and that if anything goes wrong, he's the one to call. Not only that, but he's often the building's greeter, gossip-center, and basically heart of the building. Today, we presented him with a gift for 19 years of friendship and service. He said that we're the first to ever do that for him How is that possible!

Folks, if there's someone in your lives that's been a help for a long time, and never a hindrance, shouldn't those people deserve a reward? I can't believe that we're the first. Hopefully, we won't be the only.

R'wick the Wonder Dog

We got a dog. Can you tell? Yes, it's been quite a while since I wrote on here, but life has been quite interesting, so much so that, to share it here would violate some confidences.

However, I can share that we got a dog. A husky to be specific. Why? Call it a whim, but man, has this whim paid off!

Meet R'wick. See the picture of him on the blue cushion? That's him at seven weeks when we first got him. He had old soul eyes from the start - sad eyes, but knowing eyes. The picture on the right? That's him playing in some lily pads. Yes, our boy is becoming a redhead and being crazy just like all the redheads I've ever had the pleasure to meet.

He's got an arrow on his tail as if to say "That's where I was"and he's starting to get a red strip down his spine. We had thought he'd be a gray dog but alas, nature has a sense of humor, y'know. AND, the great/bad thing? He's getting a ring around his eyes which makes for a raccoon-eyed siberian husky. Why is it great? Because it's unusual markings. Why is it bad? A walk takes twice as long because nearly everyone stops to comment on the rings around his eyes.

It was just like being around a toddler with naturally curly frizzy hair. Everyone stops to comment on it. Yes, I lived through that too.

Anyway, glad to be back and be on the lookout for exciting changes to Cholotto.com. We'll be adding temporary tattoos, sketches, and a ton of stuff.

R = 0, T = 1

I've been completely immersed in my own little world for a good while now. Making connections with shared realities has been somewhat of a stinging slap. I'm only starting to experience it as that perfectly placed bite on my ass... I am not yet able to handle large doses. I find myself having to come up for air more frequently. 

The interrupted moments of pollution are starting to leave their mark. Another scar of some other thought that defaced my fantasy. If only I could let myself be. As though there are two of me, the brilliant child, who's company is desired and who's paintings we proudly hang with flawless lighting. The other child, who just doesn't seem to measure up, and left miserably alone, finds solace in the attention their disruption creates. Eventually they'll heal. Time hasn't taken leave for me yet.

I surround myself by entertainers, and what a delightful one have I just created. He exemplifies nearly all the things I'm currently trying to achieve. I find myself studying him as we dream of flirtatiously trying to enact our planned method of manipulation, and write the story of what happens next. It's fun! I think about coming around more. Just to re-experience the brush that painted laughter, as he simulated pleasure while eating my candy. He's one of the few that keeps my hesitation locked up. Our shared reality is not that foreboding, maybe we were meant to meet at this juncture.

My journey to find peace within myself has granted me a teacher. I think mutually even, another perfect symbiotic relationship? I've been struggling with circular reasoning, and am still blocked by unfinished theories. For some reason everything fits to adjust what happened after that, and it's making my rationale a little woozy.

Distraction is dancing with me. Distraction's been dancing with me. I'm in an energetic performance, trying some how to stand still. Focus was my date, I wonder what happened to her... Why does Distraction's dance last so long?

I'm nervous about walking into yet another world. Composed of shared realities with people I don't even know, but we claim love because there's blood. Every time I go, I want to return immediately and yet, each visit grows. I can't pinpoint the culprit of my anxiety, and somehow replace it with reason... How foreign am I?

->I wrote this in June of last year (2008)

Afternoons and Coffeespoons

The sun is ablaze and the sky is that calming grayish blue, it looks peaceful and serene. A painted portrait of happiness. It's like a reflection of how I'm feeling. So far, today has been unfolding so perfectly that it's a pleasure to experience. What balance of chemicals and brain activity do I need to sustain to perpetuate days like this?

This morning I was still wrestling with sleep when I slinked out of bed. I struggled through my exercises, my muscles were arguing for an undeserved break. Even my joints where taking sides. When I began my cardio, I twisted my ankle, but I 'walked it off' and trudged on, to get through my entire exercise routiene. With how much resistance a good portion of myself was putting up, I can sit back now and congratulate myself on this little accomplishment. It's good to be motivated!

Panic was roused in me at the presentation of curiosity, and it built a roller coaster that I couldn't resist. Promising to be as thrilling, exciting and sickening as any truly fun roller coaster, it lived up and for a change I rode it well. Stepping off only a little shaky.

The little furry creatures that roam about, caused a huge mess to probably the only area in the house that hasn't been soiled. I just stared at it. The mess, not the cute furry creature that caused it. Hey... how did they know I was in the mood to clean?

I don't know what makes today different. Why I'm able to cope with these things and still keep up that the day has been beautifully perfect? Whatever balance I've found, I hope I don't tire too quickly and lose it.

Feeling in such a great space, I dove off the board and with little expectation I spoke with Thirty-two. It's the first time in a long time, that I haven't internally grown sick with myself after stepping into her life for a moment. It was good. Today is good. A lot of things need to be done, and I'm going to have to face another ten hour day tomorrow, but right now, I'm at peace with myself. I completed my exercise, overpowering the stubborn masses! I've got a good hold on the door of doubt, and am able to enjoy the day. Passion has emerged and I am happy with writing, but not just the writing...

Let's Pretend we Don't Exist

I wrote this April 18, 2008:

I dreamt about Oatmeal last night or this morning rather. Once there was a time when she roamed my mind and in such, was always near by. At least once a day she'd tap on my consciousness' door. It was as if my consciousness brought her to me, this morning though, it was consciousness' kiss that disrupted sleep's gift.

In the dream, I was at a party in a house filled by an ocean of people. I was in a room with someone who at first seemed to me to be Quatro, but as our actions progressed she transformed unrecognizably and I'm not sure who she ended up being, maybe herself again. She was professing attraction without opening her mouth. She was pleading for something more, with her eyes. Something inside me, was screaming "no," but was quickly replaced with a sinking feeling brought on by the soft crushing weight of her body as her lips graced mine. I broke free of her grasp and fled the room.

Leaving the warm sun of solitude, I was plunged into the cold pool of the party, swallowed by the waves of people who were in attendance. None of them mattered and they soon disappeared when I found Oatmeal sitting at the table. It wasn't until I was sitting in her lap that I noticed how incredibly there, she was. Like the sun being turned on, if it was connected to a switch, I was aglow with happiness. I just wanted to be close to her and amuse her. Other people in the room where vying for my attention, but she was the only one there to me.

It was pleasant to have been visited by her and spent a few moments in a dream wrapped in her arms.



Yesterday morning Tuki and I got into an argument. It's affect was me arriving two minutes late to class. I smiled some secret wicked smile as I entered the room to find my name written on a board, along with other names, creating a list of 'late students.' If my mood wasn't already set, this certainly changed it. I was humored by the act.

The instructor, none other then Mr. Compositor himself, that failed to enlighten us, last term about a program's automatic compression, must have been grinning wildly inside when I entered the room. He went through a three or five minute lecture on something. Something....

He ended it with, "But it's not very useful, since the projects you all are working on, aren't in groups."

More people trickled in after his lecture. Humpty Dumpty arrived nearly thirty minutes late, and was the fourth person to comment on my absence from the first day, "You missed the first day!" After many people scrambled to get their homework assignment printed out, Mr. Compositor decided it was time to collect it. Alphabetically I'm not the first listed, but I was certainly going to be the first called. So it was... I went up presented the assignment and then turned and left, as he read the lines on the back of his eyelids, "Looking forward to seeing it." I made sure Jack Frost was watching at me, as I walked back to my seat, I provided her with some entertainment, that sent her laughing wildly and me out of the room.

Lunch was weird. I talked Dexter into joining, Doof, Humpty Dumpty, Vomit Bag, Stinky and I, for lunch. There was conversation, but I didn't retain any of it. Like the whole day, I was there, but I wasn't and being there was weird.

Then there was Geometry. I'm going to call the instructor Mini Skirt, that's what she was wearing. I took a little pick me up before the class, and couldn't stop myself from staring at the bottom of her short tight skirt. She had on an off the shoulder stripped shirt and a black ultra mini, mini skirt with black tights. If her ass was a little flatter the skirt may have been able to cover it.

My mind wasn't on her, though my eyes had trouble leaving, and I floated through the class in my own thoughts of other people in other situations, having other lives, probably not thinking of me.

Today, I wonder about Oatmeal.

It's now June 16, 2009.  This was the second entry in my livejournal.  I don't keep a livejournal any more, for a lot of reasons.  One of them is this post.  When I wrote the line about Oatmeal, regarding how "incredibly there" she was, my frame of mind was to be spooky.  I knew it was all just a dream...   

I thought it was all just a dream...  

 

Putting on Old Skins

This past weekend, I visited WonderCon - it had been my first time since 1999? 2000? Maybe as late as 2001?

The old skin was probably ill-fitting for the most part, but on the other hand, the joy with which greetings were exchanged seemed to indicate that no one seemed to notice. Perhaps politeness on their part but perhaps my hasty apologies about working for "the man" let them know the depths with which I let go of my old profession.

For the past 8 years, the only creativity afforded me at my job was cut and paste jobs in which some measure of pleasure could be derived but for the most part, were bereft of any spark of creativity. My outlet was here, and even so, cheated my creative side simply by measure of these posts are more stream of consciousness more than anything else.

Due to the ill-fitting nature of my old skin, and due to the comfort it offered, the Cholotto family has instituted a new rule. If one of us feels like being creative, the other must follow suit and be creative as well. We are now extending it to visitors as well.

Let see if modifying the old skins will one, make them more fitting, secondly, more profitable, and thirdly, more pleasurable than this thing that I currently call a job.

Photo from this article on "Artic History - Land Use"

Redistributing of Wealth

I had dinner with a friend just before the elections. I never saw my friend as a Republican or conservative, but I saw her husband as fairly conservative and Republican.

Somehow, the subject of Obama came up and my friend just repeating to me, "Is it true that he said that he wants to 'redistribute the wealth'?"

I just kept blinking at her stupidly all the while thinking, 'First off, the wealthy he is talking about would NEVER influence you because none of my peers would ever be in that group of super-rich, not even my good friends who live in Atherton. Secondly, there are TONS of other problems other than wealth/taxes.'

None of these thoughts crossed my lips, because my brain just could not comprehend that my friend was getting angry over the POSSIBILITY (hardly probable in this case but she couldn't see that) that her taxes might get influenced.

For me, considering that the super-rich has gotten super-duper rich over the past 30-40 years and minimum wage earners have gotten GRUDGING raises... it's only fair that the winds should blow in the other direction for a while.

But my friend has little knowledge of how government works - all she heard is 'Redistributing of wealth' and that Obama's threatening to take away her money.

I wonder how she and her husband feels today.

An Interesting Exchange

The following is a transcript in an AIM exchange between a friend who is white, lives in NC and has a hippie mom and a very very republican Dad - about the Inauguration

Me(10:48:38 AM): I can barely focus today... woke up happy and didn't know why since I had to work. Then remembered!

Friend (10:48:39 AM): I am getting my permit to carry a concealed weapon and we are making survival kits

Me(10:48:48 AM): You serious?

Friend (10:49:00 AM): Flash lights, Ammo, Canned foods, water, Skittles

Friend (10:49:04 AM): all the necessities

Me (10:49:07 AM): lol yeah

Me (10:49:15 AM): well, I feel like I can unpack mine

Friend (10:49:24 AM): hahahahaha well hand it over!

Me (10:49:27 AM): rofl

Obama's magic is starting - I'm able to laugh with a semi-conservative about survival.

Owed a "Hot Chat Topping Session"

So last night, I had the fortune of spending 45 minutes on the phone with Scarlett O'Hall. This is the friend I first made on my own, when I moved up here to the Bay Area. Scarlett (Name have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent) was a fascinating character I really had to good fortune to meet through a BBS.

Okay, for you youngsters fairly new to the internet, a BBS was a Bulletin Board System back in the dark ages of the internet, long before there were images, ebay, amazon or even AOL. Yes, I was an early geek. Anyway, back in the 90s when I first moved here I was a lonely 28 year old and longing for any sort of company. When I found out there was a BBS for lesbians, well I jumped to log on.

Scarlett was the first person I met through the internet and our friendship was fast, furious and funny! Her apt was on the way home for me so often after work, I'd drop in on her, calling through the intercom "Short girl bringing Tall Boys". Tall boys were the long tall Buds. I used to get soooooo drunk with Scarlett.

It was through Scarlett I met Lone Wolf who remains a close friend to this day.

Anyway, Scarlett was a bit down in the dumps because it was the anniversary of a memorial service for a close friend of hers, one I had known. We talked, and I was able to commiserate with her, due to the sudden death of JoEllen when she had just turned 30. Apparently she and her significant other has experienced a ton of deaths lately and she was wondering if that was all life had to offer anymore.

I pointed her gaze to the future, where her little girl was poised to take over. Her child is 4 and there are so many more firsts in her life... that's where the future is. Death is inevitable... the 80s and 90s taught me that. To see it as the future is to condemn yourself to a future of closing doors. Yes, it will be that, but that's not all.

Oh, the title of the post? I was telling Bratworse about Scarlett's and my history together and I told her how I stopped playing on the BBS when my GF at the time asked me to, but before I stopped, I engaged in a "Hot chat" with Scarlett and how I was promised a return chat which never occurred.

I SERIOUSLY doubt that anything like that will happen nowadays, with all of us older, wiser AND more tired. lol

Pages of a Dusty Book

That's what this feels like, like reading pages from a dusty book.

Lives intersect at different junctures and there are lives that interweave throughout time. Perhaps it happens more often to someone like me, but right now, many lives are intersecting with mine due to the tool called Facebook. Some are current friends, some are old friends popping out of different periods in my life.

The one that's just jaw-dropping to me is the one connection to probably one of my closest friends as a child, back in Singapore. As I read about her, I realize her world and mine would only have intersected as children and now, through this tool. We run in vastly different worlds.

I hope the fondness we both feel evaporates any differences. I feel like though we have differences - here I go again with my feelings of alienness - both of us seem to have the philosophy of live and let live... a philosophy that should lead to a somewhat harmonious life.

Anyway, this contact with her... the tentative reaching out, it's been feeling like reading pages from a dusty book. Some words stand out, others obscured, and with each contact, more dust is blown off and more words become readable. The memories start to stitch together (how's that for mixed metaphors) ... bah, I derailed my own thought.

All this to say, I'm enjoying myself.

Facebooking

So, after several people had asked if I was on Facebook, after watching Stephen Colbert tease Jon Stewart about being out of it... I succumbed to the forces of conformity and signed up.

The first thing that popped up upon signing? Alison Blanchard's face greets me and wants to be my friend.

Awwwww!

So not being able to resist a gorgeous red-head, I accepted of course. Well! Numerous faces greets me upon this acceptance and amongst them I spy tons of faces from my past, from acquaintances long-forgotten, to ex-clients to friends no more. Wow. A name... seemingly familiar when the memory snaps into place and I am transported to my past, somewhere in L.A., on a hot summer day. Another name... and again I am transported, this time to a crowded convention floor.

I start choosing people to ask to be my friend. Safe choices at first, ones that I know will welcome my advances. Weasel is the first to accept. It'll be nice to stay in contact with Wease and his wife.

Part of me is screaming at me, How will you maintain hermitude???? The other part is soothing me, It's okay, time to come out of your shell. I guess time will tell if social networking will work for me or not. But damn it, I am not going to be ignorant about these types of programs any more.

Prop. 8

I've been looking at Idealist ever since this proposition was called, asking her why?

Numb with shock at what happened. It's been hard for me to understand.

Months into our marriage certificate and we're reminded just how much a dream it is. I had a really difficult day, cliched bittersweet. Proposition eight passed, they interrupted my dream. I cried on the phone to Idealist, to Verve, to Vito, as they expressed love, embarrassment and support. Then alone, rubbing my eyes to make sure I was really seeing what I was seeing. They were there, willing to hold my hand, to let me know that even though I have to check 'other' in a lot of cases, it's okay.

I'm still loved, and I don't know about everyone else, but all I want is to spread happiness in a way that makes me happy to. I am so thankful and in love with the people that love and support me. They remind me when I most need reminding that I'm not alone, they're right there with me. Accepting and inspiring the way I dream.

Swiffer Commercial!

We were watching Wild Kingdom on Animal Planet when we both looked up at the Swiffer commercial.

'Alison!' I cried out.

Bratworse looked up and confirmed that it was our friend, Alison Blanchard.

When I can, I'll post a Youtube of the commercial.

Gay! He Bonked Me.

Last week, I spent a very very nice time with my young two year old friend, the Future Snowboarder. When I walked into her house, the first thing her mother told me was she was potty-trained! Followed by instructions to take the FS to the potty, of course. Well, after we visited the bathroom, the FS asked if we could play in the bedroom instead of going out to the living room. So off we went to her bedroom.

In there, I asked her if she went to Mortician's house for dinner the previous night and she nodded. She then proceeded to tell me all about the previous night, culminating with "Gay! He bonked me!"

Now, mind you, I was sitting there trying to understand her speech (two-year old speech can be a little hard on the ears) and when I heard the word "Gay" I just blinked, trying to figure out exactly what she meant by that.

She gave me this look like, Why don't you know what I'm talking about? My mind screamed out, Mortician's son! What's his name? so I took a stab, "Is Gay a boy or girl?"

Well, this question was met with a look that conveyed You have got to be shitting me quite clearly. "Boy! Finley girl."

The dawn was a long time coming in my brain, but the light finally came shining over the horizon. "Oh! Gray! He bonked you?"

The look of pure joy at being understood fell over her face as she nodded, saying, "Yesh! I cried. Mama came, hold me." At this point, her mom showed up in the doorway, grinning showing that she overheard most of this conversation.

"Did Gray say he was sorry?"

'Yesh. Gay say sorry."

******

Later, she was sitting on my lap after dinner, playing with various jewelry I was wearing, when she looked at me and asked, "Married?"

Both her mom and I nodded at her, saying "Remember? You were at the wedding." We pointed at Bratworse.

She just smiled and settled herself into my arms. Is there any wonder part of my heart belongs to this little girl?

Wedding Album

Was poking around the Picasa site and just realized I could embed the photo album here.

Enjoy.

Wedding Photos

So, were you wondering how the big day went?

July 11, 2008 will go down in infamy, I believe for the Cholotto Family.

First off, we went hoofing it down to the Apple store at 7:00 for the 8:00 Apple Store opening for our new iphones. Well, we found out the people at the front of the line got there at 5:00 am. Thus we were about the 200th people in line. By the time the store opened, the line had doubled.

During the course of the next few hours, we met a VERY VERY cool lady and her 15 year old son. This lady took a day off work to help her son purchase an iphone. She's also part of a local Berkeley band AND a geologist working in environmental conservation. Too cool. Wish I got her name. We also noted that the Apple store was eerily like Hotel California that day. You saw people entering but few leaving. AND the few that left that morning, none of them looked remotely elated. Strange we thought. We also found out that having cool people in line with you, just makes the process that much happier.

At 11:00 with about 30 people still in line, we decided that there was no way we could get out of the store in time to get married at the pre-ordained time, so with heartfelt congratulations ringing in our ears as we left, we made our way to the Alameda Clerk's office to pick up a license.

My dear friend who has known me since I was 17 was the person officiating at our wedding. Doesn't he look handsome? And to think, this man was a scrawny scrawny boy in his teens.

Well, after we got the license, (timing was perfect!) our best people, E&B showed up with their two children. All of us walked in a general direction and before long, a lake appeared before our eyes. "Let's get married at the lake!" so we all tromped over there. Over the next half an hour, we laughed, cried, hugged, took pictures and signed papers.

Look at how happy we all look.
To be continued.

Magic Trees

Last night, we had Lone Wolf over for dinner for her birthday and among the many surprises we had in store for her, one of them is these cool cool crystal trees!

The cardboard has been sprinkled with crystal growing stuff. You then pour packets of pre-mixed liquids into channels the carboards are stuck in, and the cardboard slowly soaks up the liquid and forms these pretty crystals into a pre-made scenery for you.

It's great fun watching the crystals appear and so far, I've not found a SINGLE age-bracket that hasn't enjoyed this simple project.

Here's a link to Amazon for this.

Cheap fun! The best of its kind.

By the way, you can see from the picture above that our magic garden set isn't fully develop. It should take another 12 hours before we get the full vista I think.

Busy Weekends

I'm too used to having my weekends to myself. I forget that summers, people like to get together and just hang out.

Saturday night, we went to celebrate our friend's 40th birthday. It was a nice quiet affair, quite unlike our raucous youth. There were, of course, rugrats running about with the oldest being 3 and the youngest being around 8 months old.

Bratworse kept claiming that the 1-1/2 year old got her drunk, because we were teaching the child "Cheers" and clinking of glasses. Since she was sitting on Bratworse's lap, it was Bratworse's bottle that she kept clinking. The rest of us were telling Bratworse that in order to teach properly, she HAD to take a swig after every clink, and Bratworse complied.

On the way home, Bratworse got a really bad case of the hiccups and since I was trapped in a car with her, I decided the joyous experience must be shared; so we called up her mom to torture her with the hiccups. I can be an ass.

Sunday, we had the pleasure of spending time with my best college buddy. It was so weird seeing her with two pre-teens because I kind of dropped out of her life for 10 years and missed her pregnancies and the children growing up. We went swimming in our condo pool and all of a sudden, time melted away and it was my best college buddy and I in HER pool back in college.

Her two kids are so well behaved and so... innocent like. I took out some DVDs for them to watch... and the oldest kept saying, "No, that's scary." We finally settled on The Sound of Music and both kids sat transfixed to the TV.

All in all, it was a nice time - and if you're an Asian Animal House member, it was Elephant who came by with her two kids. Teddy Bear and Cat couldn't make it up. Elephant met up with Teddy Bear and Cat later for dinner, but I didn't make it there.

Strawberry Fields Forever

Went and saw my two little friends today. They both launched from the sofa the second I walked in and the youngest basically wanted to be in my arms most of the day, which I happily accommodated.

Their mom had decided we were going to be joining up with the eldest's best friend and her family, to go pick strawberries from a farm fairly nearby. It was a gorgeous day for this activity. The farm had lots of animals on it, which fascinated all four kids. I, unfortunately, was plagued the whole time by thoughts of the boy sticking his stubby fingers through the cage of the goats, and the goats thinking the fingers were sticks of carrots.

The youngest and I do have a little bit of a bond going. I hope it lasts for a very very long time. I am SO enjoying the time we spend together.