Thursday, September 28, 2006

Studio 60 - Aaron Sorkin is God Once More

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Rejoice, one and all. Sorkin the writing God has arisen from the plumes of pot smoke and bestowed upon us all the gift of Studio 60, a series that on one level, mocks TV studios, on another his own network, on yet others his own failures, his own demons of addiction, the "liberalism" of networks, etc.

Can you tell I'm ecstatic?

Well, yes and no.

After watching the pilot, I broke out in sobs (it doesn't help that I'm pms'ing right now) because once again, Aaron Sorkin has taken the bleakness of reality and given it a beacon of hope within fiction. These characters that Aaron Sorkin has created, have zest, idealism, and passion. I want these people to be my friends, my coworkers. Why do all my heroes have to be fictions?

I watched two pilots last night: Studio 60 and Heroes and only one left me jumping up and down in excitement, roaring with laughter at some places, wincing at how true it reflected reality at others. The dialogue crackled (as with ANY Sorkin piece) and the pace was propelling. Heroes on the other hand, dragged.

Guess what is going to be my... hmm, I'm looking forward to Battlestar Galactica as well. But dang it, Aaron Sorkin IS God. And I will worship no other God (but I MIGHT buy some Battlestar Galactica accessories) :)

 
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Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Naked Guys

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Apparently, one of my neighbors across the street walked out of his house/apartment onto the street and waved at my mother-in-law who presumably was out on the balcony smoking a cigarette.

This neighbor happened to walk out with no clothes on.

My mother-in-law is kind of freaked out about it (from what Bratworse tells me because I haven't had a chance to talk to her yet).

My response? "Have your mom take a photo and we can post it here!"

I don't think my humor is much appreciated at times.

But I have to wonder, why does seeing a naked guy freak people out? To me, as long as the guy isn't trying to come after me, or whacking off in public (which I really don't care to witness), or trying to break into my house, what's the problem?

I just don't understand this viewpoint that nudity equates perversion and I guess I never will.

Update: Apparently, the guy walked out... INTO HIS LIVING ROOM. He just didn't have the drapes drawn. I had thought he walked out into the street.

Oh, this makes the story so much less interesting. Dang!

 
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Tuesday, September 26, 2006

An Eastern Concept?

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Jet Li:
But if we are strong and believe in ourselves, it doesn't matter what people call us.

My mother calls me stupid and dumb all the time, but it's never affected me in the least because I've always known I was smart. She'll be really pissed off at me, and start telling me how stupid I am, and I just agree with her until she laughs.

My sister and friends are horrified when they either hear of it or witness it. "How can you let her say those things to you?" I shrug and answer, "Because I know it isn't true. So why not let her have her fun?"

Mom forgets that not everyone is like me; she gets in deep trouble when she calls other people stupid. I remember (always with a laugh) when my nephew asked her why she'd accuse him of being stupid and she denied it only to call him stupid in Chinese within 5 minutes of the question. He got hurt; she got flustered because all she was looking to do was let off steam and a wall would rise up.

Is this an Eastern concept? Or just an ego concept?

It might be an ego thing because I know coaches often tell their charges that they're weak or inadequate or something, just to rile them up into performing better. But that's not what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about having such confidence in an area that no matter what is said or done, it's considered as ludicrous.

Remember Kung Fu, the TV show? It's sorta like how Caine saw the world around him. But gimme a break, Caine just acted like he was mentally retarded. I loved the fight scenes and the philosophy scenes in that series, but Caine himself? I wanted to whack him in the head and say, talk faster!

It's that philosophy I'm talking about. The philosophy of why should I bother to correct you when 1) correcting you is time-consuming, 2) you uttering such nonsense just goes to show the world what an idiot you are, and 3) besides, correcting you is bad manners cause no one wants their mistakes pointed out in public.

Is this purely an Eastern concept?

 
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To Be Honest...

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...When I read the transcript of Clinton being interviewed by Chris Wallace, I thought Clinton was a bit too much when he described Chris Wallace as smug, and then I watched the clip and understood the comment.

...I got Chris Wallace mixed up with Chris Matthews and was surprised when I saw the clip that Chris had turned brunette.

...I thought someone who had Mike Wallace as a father would have more integrity.

...I never realized someone could embody "smarmy" so well, the way Chris Wallace embodies it.

...I didn't realize how much of a smug asshole Chris Wallace is, until I read about his appearance on The Daily Show, where he tried to sandbag Jon Stewart.

Dude! Get some ethics. Learn to smile without smarminess! Stop sandbagging cool people just cause you're not.

 
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Monday, September 25, 2006

What It's Like to Have a Screaming Neighbor

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So I'm sitting here, quietly working.

There are few people around, and therefore, silence for the most part, reigns.

Then slowly, a disembodied voice, full of pain and anguish start its crescendoing ascent.

I look around to see if anyone else has heard, then realize I'm alone.

Alone with this disembodied voice that is now raging against the silence.

And all I can do is sit here, and wish the voice some path out or away from the pain that's causing the anguish.

BTW, I work above a therapist. That's where the voice is coming from.

 
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Why Americans are Ignorant of World Affairs

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Attaturk, in this post, shows the covers of Newsweek all over the world.

On the American cover, is a picture of Annie Liebowitz. Who is she, you ask? Why, she takes photographs of famous people, like John Lennon.

Now, this complaint isn't to detract from Ms. Liebowitz's talents or her recognition. Rather, this complaint is about what America focuses on.

Guess what the other Newsweek covers (The European edition, the Asian edition and the Latin America edition) are about: Losing Afghanistan.

So basically, Newsweek has figured out that to sell its magazine to U.S. consumers, it has to feature fluff. Yes, Ms. Liebowitz, no matter HOW talented you are, you are just a photographer of celebrities. You are NOT a matter of life and death.

No wonder people here think Arnold Schwartzneggar and Ronald Reagan would make good politicians.

 
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Saturday, September 23, 2006

An Analogy

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You're the owner of a football team. There's been incidents in the parking lot of hoodlums attacking fans, and you've been sending out the security team looking for these hoodlums that are mugging your fans.

Unfortunately, before your security team has found these hoodlums, your team has been sold to another owner.

This new owner has problems with these hoodlums, but some of these hoodlums got lucky, and blew a hole in one of the luxury boxes, and killed off some of your fans.

This new owner at first, starts looking for the hoodlums in a minor league team's parking lot, where they were last seen. But for some strange reason, this new owner drops the search in that parking lot, goes to yet another minor league team's parking lot, and not just attack the hoodlums there, but attacks the other team and its owners.

Now this minor league team - the thing that people didn't understand about it was, it was a hastily put together team made of three other teams that the league threw together, just to get a full team. And none of these three teams liked each other and are actively trying to hurt the others even when they're not playing a game.

So when the big league team went in and dismissed the owner of that hastily put together team, there was enough disruption of security that the hoodlums saw a better place to recruit other rowdies.

Given all this, why is it the first owner's fault?

Yes, I'm talking about Clinton and Bush here.

 
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Tuesday, September 19, 2006

God! How Could You NOT Be In Love with This Man

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I'm watching a Tivo'd The Daily Show with Jon Stewart from last night and it's Bill Clinton on.

He's talking about his Clinton Global Initiative and its obvious he's loving being able to say that he brought Rupert Murdoch and Barbra Streisand together on the same project. Oh that Bill, he's such a triangulator.

He's loving matching wits with Jon Stewart, matching charm. The smile that spread over his face as he heard Jon Stewart's question to him while he sat on the Seat of Heat... was just unbelievably mischievious as he realized the trap Jon was setting.

It's no wonder the world loves Bill Clinton and our cache in the world soared while he was our president.

For this lovable rogue, you neo-cons inflicted us with GWB? Why? Because a man shouldn't have good looks, intelligence, charm and roguish qualities all wrapped in one package?

Every time I hear Clinton speak, I am beside myself with pride, nodding and pointing to him saying, Yup, I voted for him. I can only growl out I didn't vote for him whenever GWB speaks.

I am glad that America has term limits. America would have re-elected Bill if it could, over and over again. I know I would've.

 
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Is It My Turn Now?

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Within the past three months, my cousin who is 1-1/2 years older than I, had to have two tumors removed from her ovaries. And my sister, who is 5-1/4 years older than I, had an ovary removed due to an infection.

So, is it my turn now?

I came to work, and started experiencing discomfort in my lower left abdomen. The discomfort felt like an egg being released from an ovary (yes, I've felt that in the past) but the thing is, I'm on my period right now, which means if an egg is being released, something's wrong with my cycle.

The discomfort grew and now, it's a pain in my abdomen. I am not doubled over, which is a good thing, but the pain has intensified to the point where I can think of little else. Hopefully, someone will forego their appointment today and I can get in. Otherwise, it'll be an appointment for tomorrow.

The pain ebbs at times, only to come back more intensely. I am not enjoying this. Nor am I enjoying the thought that something inside me might have to come out. But shit happens in threes, right?

And I am third in line for this generation. Ugh.

 
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Monday, September 18, 2006

Ratcheting Up the Rhetoric

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Ever hear of Lonelygirl15?

You wouldn't unless you've been watching the news lately, or heard some buzz over the internet about Youtube.

Here's what Howie Kurtz had to say about the phenomenon:
This set off a nationwide hunt for the online star "Bree" -- plus spinoff satires -- before the terrifying truth emerged: Bree was a fake, a fraud, a cyberscam. She was a 19-year-old actress named Jessica Rose.

Excuse me, the terrifying(???) truth?

How is that terrifying?

I'm sorry, ALL of the buzz I heard about Lonelygirl15 was that the productions were way too slick for a 15 year old to accomplish, and therefore, it HAD to be a gimmick. That's why the hunt for the real person started.

And yet, somehow, the fact that this was a marketing gimmick, was a terrifying truth.

George Bush, Donald Rumsfeld, John Yoo, and the Republican party saying that Americans have the right to torture, is terrifying.

ABC showing 5 hours of unsponsored right-wing drivel full of lies and acting as if this was a PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT is terrifying.

The American Government feeling free to spy on its citizens is terrifying.

Filmmakers, looking for a gimmick and finding it, ISN'T.

If this was terrifying to Howard Kurtz, then maybe he shouldn't be covering Media at all.

 
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It's Sad...

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It's sad when you can count how many fish you caught this past year, on one finger.

 
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Desperately Seeking O-Line

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Second week of NFL football, and already I'm disheartened. As evidenced by craigslist this morning and the number of tickets available for a decent price for the Browns game, I don't think I'm the only Raider fan wallowing in self-pity right now.

We are one of two teams so far that haven't scored a touchdown. The other being Tampa Bay, doesn't sooth the sting.

In order to give Andrew Walther the confidence he needs to lead, in order to give him time to develop, we need an offensive line that will hold up.

We have a decent defense. We have a great special teams. We have potential in the Walthers/Moss combination, with a little Jordan/Fargas combo running.

We don't have an O-Line.

Maybe the best will be made of this upcoming bye week. But I'm shelving my hopes for now.

 
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Friday, September 15, 2006

Sensitivity Training

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How many working Moms do you know?

How many of them had a job when they first got pregnant?

How many of them of them came back to work after maternity leave and still breast-fed their infants?

Why did those that stopped breast-feeding, stop?

Were those that continued to breast-feed, allowed to pump at work?

Through Pandagon (Pam Spaulding), we find that the NY Times has an article that details the difference from low-income moms and medium to high income moms.

Apparently, the less money you make, the more likely you're working in an environment NOT condusive to breast-pumping. Why am I not surprised that male managers tend to make lives hard for these women thus ensuring the cycle of obesity among low income workers continues?

Yes, you heard that right. Breast milk, the wonder drug that is produced by most mothers, will prevent obesity. It will also provide much needed antibodies, and god knows what else, all to the benefit of the infant.

Why do I care so much? My sister received breast milk. Unfortunately, my mother had a tumor growing inside her when she gave birth to me, and she hemorraghed during my birth. Every year, on my birthday, my mother tells me about this time when she nearly died (I'm not sure if it's to convince herself of her resilience or to make me beholden to her but I can tell you the story in English, Cantonese AND Shanghainese). Because of her near death experience during my popping out of her womb, she had no milk to give me. (Milk ducts close up if they don't release milk every few hours; HENCE THE IMPORTANCE OF PUMPING BREAST MILK).

My sister has never been really sick a day in her life (this past hospital stay doesn't really count, since it was an infected ovary that burst). I've been sick probably about 1/6th of my life.

Managers need to get some sensitivity training and start allowing women to pump milk at work. It's for the future.

 
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Bad People

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A week ago, here in the Bay Area, I saw many people wearing FDNY t-shirts. For those who don't know, they were honoring those heroes in NY who were the first-responders to 9/11.

New York's Finest, New York's Firefighters and New York's EMT crews as well as surrounding states and neighboring cities' first-responders really responded to the crisis, as opposed to the so-called leaders in charge.

Rudy Guiliani responded by having departments set up separate command posts, thus ensuring chaos instead of cooperation between units that needed coordination.

George Bush sat in stunned silence for seven minutes.

Dick Cheney sat in a bunker, then later lied and said he gave the shoot-down orders for Flight 93.

For once, the American People seemed to give credit where credit was deserved, to those who died while trying to save people when the towers collapsed. At football games, at different get-togethers, everyone prayed and praised Firefighters, Policement, EMTs.

Five years later, while people still remembered, as evidenced by the many t-shirts I saw last week, it seems that the Republicans forgot.

They have come together to deny these first-responders financial aid for problems they contracted when they waded into the still settling dust to find dead bodies. Over 60% of these first-responders have some sort of breathing trouble.

And Republicans want to deny them financial aid for their healthcare.

These are very very bad people in charge of us. Isn't it time we voted them out?

 
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Thursday, September 14, 2006

Season for White?

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Just called my gay-boy best friend up for advice. Who better than he to ask about what kind of outfit I should wear to a "White" party.

Hmm, knowing him, he'd suggest an all white clown outfit for me; for others, he'd be serious, but me? Maybe I should reconsider this.

 
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OMFG! Is the Senate FINALLY Becoming Sensible?

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*JUST* read this on Daily Kos.

It looks like the Specter bill for warrantless wiretapping has enough nay votes to kill it. Either that, or Harry Reid and others will filibuster it.

On the Congressional side, enough Republicans are breaking with ranks to already kill the bill in its infancy in the Judiciary Committee.

YAY! America is starting to wake itself up out of its fear-induced coma.

This is unbelievably good news.

 
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Gas Prices Trickling Down?

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Here's something very interesting that Dan Froomkin of the Washington Post pointed out in Fred Barne's article in The Weekly Standard.

Buried towards the end of the article is this little nugget.
In the midterm election on November 7, Bush predicted Democrats won't win either the House or the Senate. "I believe these elections will come down to two things: one, firm belief that in order to win the war on terror there must be a comprehensive strategy that
recognizes this war is being fought on more than one front, and, two, the economy." Bush said the price of gasoline, which has been falling rapidly, is one of the "interesting indicators" that the press should watch carefully. "Just giving you a heads up," he added.

My question to the American Public is, when will we oust these assholes running our government who think that fucking around with our lives (cost of gas, unemployment, healthcare) most of the time is okay but the second they want something from us (like votes), they'll ease our lives some.

Are we that easily bought? Why don't we just put people in charge who actually give a shit about the little people? Or at least more of a shit than these assholes in charge?

 
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Growing Spines

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YES!

Now that the Democrats in Congress are starting to realize people-powered politics aren't going away and that even a 16-year veteran like Joe Lieberman's political life might be in jeopardy, we are seeing the opposition party start acting like an opposition party.

Mary Landrieu, Democrat Senator of Louisiana isn't one of my favorite politians; but then, most politicians who are offsprings of politicians usually aren't for me. But she got up after some Republican posturing about how weak Dems are on terrorism, and she said the following:
"In light of the rantings that went on for 30 minutes by two colleagues from the other side, I'd like to state for the record that America is not tired of fighting terrorism; America is tired of the wrongheaded and boneheaded leadership of the Republican party that has sent six and a half billion a month to Iraq while the front line was Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia. That led this country to attack Saddam Hussein, when we were attacked by Osama bin Laden. Who captured a man who did not attack the country and let loose a man that did. Americans are tired of boneheaded Republican leadership that alienates our allies when we need them the most. Americans are most certainly tired of leadership that despite documenting mistake after mistake after mistake, even of their own party admitting mistakes, never admit they do anything wrong. That's the kind of leadership Americans are tired of."
YES!

To see her deliver this speech, go to this link.

More speeches like this please. And action behind the speeches please. Thank you.

 
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Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Pushing It

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My mother called to give me my sister's progress.

"Ai yah, she's feeling better today and wants to go grocery shopping with me. Ai yah, she's pushing it."

Now to fully understand the impact of the "Ai yah"s of Chinese, it is ALWAYS said with a shake of the head and an almost imperceptible tsk that somehow resonates within the mind.

My reply? "Mom, if she pushes it, then it'll just be 10 weeks of recovery instead of 8. Maybe she'll learn by then."

Somehow my replies to my mother always bring some sort of comfort - she started laughing instead of staying worried.

 
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Synched!

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After 3 and a half years of living together, Bratworse and I have finally achieved what seemed to be an easy task for others, but unfortunately not us.

We have synched!

Her period started at 3:00 am and mine trickled out this morning.

The family that cramps together, stays together! Or at least fight majorly only one week out of the month instead of two.

 
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Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Done for the Season?

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Someone at work laughed at me today when I said, No, without a good O-Line, I don't want the Raiders playing their future QB. His reply? Wow, you've written off the Raiders already this season.

Yes, yes I have.

I will still watch every game, heart in my throat.

My moods on Monday will still be determined by the outcome of a Raiders game.

But I'd be stupid if I let my hopes get up high after watching that humiliating game last night.

At best now, the Raiders will have a good season if they can win 50% of their games. I am going to blame Jeff George's taint. And, our trading of Doug Gabriel.

 
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Monday, September 11, 2006

How Walmart Plans to Sell to the Bay Area

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Just saw a Walmart ad while watching Raider football.

How interesting.

The ad was about a couple looking for a large flat screen TV. The setting was an austere shop that apparently caters to the elitist. The salesman was a gay boy who basically was made to look like one of those interior decorators on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.

The basic message of the ad? 1)Those elitist shops with the monochrome color scheme (think Apple) and their gay boy employees are just there to make you feel inferior if you don't buy the stuff and 2) Walmart knows you're a regular guy who wants nothing to do with elitism nor fags. Besides, Walmart won't rip you off like these snobs.

The first Walmart ads here in the Bay Area tried to fight their tarnished image. They had a woman manager who talked about the benefits of working for Walmart. The suspension of disbelief was too great to overcome; there was no way Walmart could get staunch liberals to embrace the company.

This ad took a much different take. It's like the Republican campaign. By saying we know you're just one of us who doesn't really get the expense nor the snobbery, you should shop here.

It might just be sneaky enough to convince some that shopping at Walmart isn't contributing to the delinquency of a corporation.

 
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Disappointing is the Raiders' Performance

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27-0 is the final score. Guess who got skunked?

The Offensive Line didn't hold up; the Defense didn't stop the run and the Raiders committed penalties at the worst possible moments. A 15 yard Randy Moss catch was eliminated by a flag for taunting. Taunting?!? I commit worse cases of taunting when I overtake a car! That was a bad call.

I really was hoping for a better performance as was the sold-out crowd. Next week, the Raiders will be on the road. Let's see how they fare then.

 
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Sometimes I Hate it When I'm Right

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Dang it!

I told a co-worker today that the Raiders needed three things to win against the Chargers.

1) The O-Line must hold up. It just got demolished the last two plays.
2) The Defense must hold against the run. But LaDainian Tomlinson is shredding them.
and lastly,
3) Limit the penalties.

Hooray for the Raiders in limiting the penalties so far.

However, in order to win, the Offensive line must hold up AND we must have some sort of defense against the run.

Argh. As you can tell from my frustration, the Raiders are losing so far. But in football, the momentum can shift with the Autumn Wind.

Update: AAAAAAARGGGGGGHHHHHHH! What did I say about penalties? During a PUNT RETURN, a Raider ran into the Charger punter and GAVE THEM BACK THE BALL.

Foot, meet gun.

 
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Lawsuit, Anyone?

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Looks like the first of ABC's legal troubles for broadcasting "Path to 9/11" has started.

American Airlines is considering legal action because the documentary proganda movie slice of slander/libel depicted the airlines as the one who allowed Mohammed Atta on a plane. Wrong! (The movie got the airport wrong too. How's that for accuracy?)

As for being the movie being based on the 9/11 Commission Report, wonder how ABC and the writers/producers are going to explain that on PAGE 1 of the Report, it mentions the actual report and actual airport that had a red flag by Atta's name.

Me, I'm not at all sorry to see this happening. Too many lies have been broadcast (Faux News anyone?) without any repercussions.

 
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Tagged! Gotcha

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By now, someone is wondering what that means. I've waited a long time for this person to realize that it's happened.

Now for the other shoe to drop.

I've a lot of patience; it comes from being sick at 5 years old and waiting for puberty to happen so I wouldn't be sick anymore. Waiting 7 years at that age will teach glacier melting patience.

Man, this is going to be so sweeeeeeeeeeet.

 
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Exhaustion

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Ever notice that if you're tired going into work, then work is going to demand more of you that day?

One of the quirks of life I guess.

This past weekend was a doozy. Saturday, I went to my friend's house for 8 hours to help out. She has a 2 year old and a 6 month old baby, and her husband the firefighter was on duty for 4 out of 5 days. Firefighters don't have regular 9-5 jobs; they work for 48 hours at a stretch, then get off work for a couple of days. This meant my friend had to deal with both kids by herself constantly.

So I went over to help wear out the two-year old. Guess who got worn out?

The two-year old is something else. She was politely asking me to help her, and when I did, I finally figured out it was to help her do something against the rules. I told her firmly, "No." which of course led to tears (semi-crocodile ones, since she was peeking through her fingers to watch my reaction). My attitude was, sure, get it all out of you, you're still not going to be able to do what you wanted to do.

The baby is at the BEST age ever. She's great when she wakes from a nap - she happily gurgles and plays with whatever is near her. And she loves to laugh. I just want to pack up the baby and take her with me whereever I go.

Then I come home to find out Bratworse and her mom was reconfiguring the routers. I really have to watch my temper. I lived alone for 8 years and for 8 years, I didn't have to be aware of anyone else around me. I have to remember that it is no longer the case. But I don't. And stupidly, I expect things to be static when I get home, as if no one else lives there.

Well, Bratworse got the network up and I finally got to relax. Bratworse is finally learning that I just need to bitch about things and then I can let it go. She let me kvetch that night and then I was happy as a lark. She didn't take it personally.

Sunday, for some unfathomable reason, Bratworse and I got up at the ungodly hour of 6:30 am. We were helping our friend move but that wasn't until 9 am. It was a short move; we were done by 11:30 with over half the time spent driving. Nonetheless, bed potato me has sore legs today.

The rest of the day was spent in NFL heaven. Well not really because both of Bratworse's team lost and the 49'ers and NY Giants lost. Me, I'm glued to the TV tonight.

But first, I have to get past the day at work. I spent TWO hours at the copier today trying to get a project finished, which on sore legs does not a good temper make.

I am exhausted, but starting to let my hopes spark and kindle for tonight.

P.S. how could I not get my hopes up? Denver got its ass handed to them yesterday by the Rams (HOORAY!!!!!) and the Chiefs also lost. If the Raiders win tonight, they will be the sole leader of the AFC West. Of course, if the Chargers win, they'll be the sole leader, but shhhhhhhhhh, that's not going to happen.

 
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Thursday, September 07, 2006

Hooray for Scholastic Books!

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They're doing the right thing.

They're taking back the materials they sent out about Path to 9/11, the ABC mockudrama that's set to air on 9/10 and 9/11, and instead sending out materials that teach critical thinking.

It's not as good as pulling the sponsorship of this atrocious pack of lies but at least they're teaching kids to be smart about materials presented to them.

Now I can go back to my plan of buying a set of Encyclopedia Brown books for my nephew, the geek. (Yes, my poor little nephew has every sign of geekhood, just like his aunt. He is obsessed with Titanic trivia. My sister made the mistake of letting him see Titanic by James Cameron when he was about 4. Other kids want Blues Clues. He wants documentaries about the Titanic, the Lusitania, etc. MAJOR geek in the making.)

 
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Bad Bargains, #1

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I think I'm going to start a series called Bad Bargains... these are incredibly bad bargains that upon first glance looked like a good idea.

The office supply store I buy from is offering up 18 bags of 2.5 oz Starbucks coffee beans for $43.09.

Wow, I said, 18 bags, that's incredible!

But I usually double-check things that seem too good to be true. So I went to the office refridgerator, pulled it open and took out our regular bag of coffee. It's a 1 lb bag, and helpfully, the package says 16 oz. (which I knew, but I'd have to dig in the recesses of my brain to figure out).

I took out a calculator, and multiplied 18 x 2.5 which gave me a total of 45 oz. Divided that by 16, and got 2.8 lbs.

I pay $9.99 for each l lb of Caffe Verona. For $43.07, I could get four 1-lb bags of Caffe Verona AND a couple of scones.

Therefore, the 18 2.5 oz bags for $43.07 is a BAD BARGAIN. Don't do it.

 
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Developments

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Hmm, there seems to be many different developments in the political world.

First off, the truly odious John Bolton has been removed for nomination as our ambassador to the U.N. Apparently, a Republican voiced concerns to Richard Lugar who pulled the nomination. So according to Republicans, ONE republican's concern is greater than dozens of democratic concerns.

Secondly, Bush pulled some prisoners out of the "shhhh we can't talk about it because it would jeopardize national security" secret prisons around the world and sent them to Guantanomo Bay. Apparently, the President talking about it now, won't jeopardize national security. Strange how that works.

On the heels of this development, Bush sent a bill to Congress that basically says that the DEFENDENTS (prisoners of these "shhh we can't talk about it because it would jeopardize national security" facilities - ahhh hell, let's just call them what they were, torture chambers) would be tried and they wouldn't be able to see the evidence AGAINST them.

Did you read that? They want to try these people without letting them see what evidence there is against them. Why? Because so-called evidence is vital to "national security".

The reason for this? So they can have on record that Democrats OPPOSE trying these prisoners.

How's that sleaze coming along? Feel good about our government yet? How would you like to be up for a trial, and not be able to see what evidence is provided to prove your guilt. "psst judge, here's the murder weapon, but don't say out loud what it is, because that's a matter of national security."

However, good news. Apparently, three republican senators have decided that it isn't in the American interest to hold kangaroo courts. That may be enough to kill the bill in the Senate.

Lastly, the fight over ABC's decision to air the Path to 9/11 (sans commercials) is starting to really heat up. I hope Madeline Albright, Bill Clinton, Sandy Berger and others are all getting brushed up on their slander/libel laws. Methinks ABC and Scholastic is going to be hit with some MAJOR lawsuits if this mockumentary gets aired. For references to this on-going skirmish, check any of these sites: Daily Kos, Talking Points Memo, Firedoglake and Think Progress.

 
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Handle with Care

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Well, the Cholotto family seems to have survived that little dustup intact.

Last night, as Bratworse was falling asleep in my arms as I watched MythBusters (usually at 11:00 it's the Daily Show but last night would've been the third time I watched William Cohen try NOT to blink twice in response to Jon Stewart - you should watch that particular episode. It's extremely funny the first time, very funny the 2nd time, and well, I changed the channel, didn't I?), my mind's eye kept seeing the image of the postal label, "Handle with Care."

I shook my head at the image of the label "Fragile," because Bratworse isn't and I would never end up with someone fragile. Gosh, fragile brings to mind one of my neighbors and shit howdy, that's a MAJOR ugh.

But "Handle with Care"... shouldn't any partner be handled with care?

A few weeks ago, I told Bratworse this story about my college good friend, who took all of her bad moods out on me. When I couldn't tolerate it anymore, I asked, why do you do that? She said because she could, cause I wouldn't abandon her. I stopped being her close friend soon after, because why would I want to be in a friendship like that?

Apparently, my college friend wasn't the only one who subscribes to this theory. My family is too. (hmm all Chinese, could that be an indicator?). You should see my mother take her anger out on my sister and I, just cause she can and we won't abandon her. And to be honest, I was practicing it too.

What I need to remember is that Bratworse is the one I chose to be with, the one I'm choosing to live with for the rest of my life. Therefore, of ALL people in the world, it really should be HER that I handle with the utmost care, not anyone else.

 
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Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Screwed Up Again

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I am a lousy gf. She's in the middle of a mid-term and all I'm concerned about is me me me. I am a shithead.

 
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Wrong Thing

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I think I did the wrong thing in my post earlier. And I think I'm about to do the wrong thing here. But I need to sort this out in my head and while she's not talking to me, I can only spew my thoughts here.

See, Bratworse doesn't want to think about leaving. In her mind, she feels that the knowledge that she'll never leave, is an actual comfort. And to feel/talk about the possibility that she might leave, is an invitation to disaster, to her anger.

She gets hurt if I talk about her leaving me.

Me, I never want her to feel like she can't leave.

I mean, that's kind of what my dad felt like, that he couldn't divorce my mother. It didn't make for a very happy home life, and it seems to be an imprisonment that my father couldn't escape from. Granted, he dealt with it in his way, by having a mistress for 20 years, but what kind of fate is that for his mistress or my mother or my father at that?

I guess where we're going wrong is, she needs to know I will never question her commitment to our relationship and everytime I bring up the possibility of her leaving, is an insult to her commitment to me.

I understand that Bratworse. And I'm sorry I keep slapping you in the face with my worries.

I guess what she needs to hear from me is, I am NOT questioning her loyalty or her commitment to the relationship. What I am questioning is whether or not, my personality is so odious, that it warrants being alone for the rest of my life.

Ever since I was 16 years old, I was convinced I was going to be alone. I grew up in the knowledge that I had a spiky personality and that because of its porcupine-like qualities, I'd better get used to the solitude. Before long, the solitude and the feeling that I was a porcupine grew comfortable on my skin.

My best friend once told me, it would take someone really special to be able to put up with me. Another person told me I was fire, that someone near me would get warm, but had the possibility of being burned. My mother told me I was unlovable, that only she could love someone like me.

I need to figure out that by questioning whether Bratworse stays or goes, I am in effect hurting her, which is the last thing I want to do.

So, how do I ask her if I've crossed the line? And whether this was the last straw? How do I look into those angry eyes and not be fearful that when I wake up, it'll be to an empty bed?

 
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Verge

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We've been having short bursts of fights for the past two weeks. They've been intense, emotionally charged, and usually over very little.

Hmm, let me rephrase that.

I've been getting angry at Bratworse in short bursts. She has been ultimately patient with me, lowering her voice when mine gets raised, trying not to see red when that is the one color permeating my moods, thoughts, entire being.

She has heard me, and changed over and over again, apparently to no satisfaction on my end.

The woman, in some worlds, can be considered a saint.

I do not know what is going on with me. I have lost total control over my feelings, swinging from being weepy one second to raging bull the next. Yeah yeah, I know, isn't this what menopause is supposed to do? But see, I have only suspicions that I'm pausing, and no concrete proof.

I have a feeling Bratworse is on the verge...

And I don't blame her. She thinks I am deliberately trying to push her away. There may be some truth to that. I know one of my biggest fears is abandonment - and I am SURE people will abandon me once they figured out how much trouble I am. I don't know how to fix this - my way was always retreat into hermitude until I felt safe again.

So, any suggestions on how to keep this wonderful woman, despite myself?

I suck.

 
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Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Critical Space, by Greg Rucka

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Gah! I have a love-hate relationship with Greg Rucka's writing.

I hate that his books end, and I love his style of writing, especially when he gets to write about strong women.

I am in the middle of Critical Space, a book that's a few years old. I find that when I read Greg, I tend to want to read a bunch of his books all at once, and therefore, I buy his books until I get a stack at least two high before I indulge.

As usual, I am gripped by the story, even though I'm only reading a few pages at a time. You have no idea how much I want to just delve into it, submerging myself into this Bodyguard world of Atticus Kodiak but alas, life itself beckons and I am reduced to snatching words out of pockets of time.

The thing about reading stories about Atticus Kodiak? I ALWAYS picture Greg Rucka as Atticus, so when I read about Atticus getting kicked in the head, I picture Greg there. Oh, I talk like I know Greg Rucka because I do know him. He wrote the introduction to my book, and boy, what a great introduction it was.

 
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Late to Work Cause of Neighbor

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So this morning, I walk down to the garage to find one of my neighbors washing her car. "Hey Lady," I yelled out, "Wanna wash my in-law's car for me?"

Laughing she turned to me and said "Oooooh, in-laws..." and that led to a half hour discussion about life, loves, and whatnot in the garage.

I've known this neighbor since my first years in this building. There really seems to be a gap between old neighbors and new neighbors. With my neighbors that I've lived in the same complex for 10 years, there's an old familiarity that just comes with greeting people day in and day out.

We've lived through Jim's death, Perry's death, and countless tenants. We've seen speculators come and go, and we mutter under our breath, see ya, don't let the door hit you on the way out. We hear about the going-ons of the "trouble unit" and we tsk tsk.

Most of us recognize kindred souls in each other - we bought into this complex when the housing market was a bust, not because we thought these condos would bring us money, but because we fell in love with the layout, or the people inside the building.

Believe it or not, there is something magical about living in the complex I live in. It's really too bad that there are some in the building, who don't appreciate the magic. I just hope that the ones who love the building stay and remain my neighbors. I really like them. We're the ones laughing when we see each other, and we make sure to make our neighbors laugh and smile.

 
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Friday, September 01, 2006

Reality

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I needed that last night. I needed the Raiders to screw up so badly, that my hopes wouldn't be this growing conflagration that threatened to obliterate my intelligence. I needed a huge dose of reality.

The Raiders I saw last night, were not as sloppy as they could've been, but 3 penalties in the first quarter (plus to be honest, the first two Seattle plays WERE defensive inteference, but the Raiders got away with it) showed a direct descent from the previous two games.

Granted, the first string players on the offense only played one very very short drive which lasted a whopping 3 plays? Therefore, to have hope be so dampened may be a dumb move on my part. But I'd rather have a steadily growing flame, than to have a flame-out and not be excited about the season at all.

It was good to see the kid, Andrew Walters get a nice workout, but dang, that slam he took in the 2nd quarter jarred even me! No wonder he got rid of the ball so quickly a few times after. I just hope that kid isn't gun-shy now.

September 11th, is opening day against the Chargers. I am now facing the game with trepidation, instead of excitement. Sometimes, football affects my reason and my moods far too greatly, I fear.

 
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How to Piss a Female Stranger Off

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Call up for a routine fax.

When the person responds with, yes, I will get that out in the next few minutes, follow up with a cloying "Awwww, aren't you sweet."

FOR THE RECORD, I was doing my job. I was NOT being sweet to you, nor did I want my action to be considered as "sweet". How would you like it if I called you up for a routine fax, and then said, "Awwww, aren't you obedient."

Just be glad I didn't show you how friggin sweet I actually am. NOT!

 
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