Sunday, July 23, 2006

Ya'd Think I'd Learn


My sister called me up yesterday. She started off with small talk and I was scratching my head, trying to figure out the purpose of the call. Was she finally, after 40 something years, thinking of treating me like a friend?

Hah! No such luck.

Apparently, I was dumb enough to drop my guard with my mother and just talk. I complained about my job and mentioned I was thinking of looking for another job. THINKING. Fact is, I know I have a decent job... it's just times they get to me. Doesn't everyone's?

I wonder how many nights sleep she lost because of that one comment. Because that was what my sister was calling about.

When will I learn that I cannot converse with my family without things blown WAAAAAAY out of proportion?

They wonder why I don't tell them much about my life. I tell them my REALLY HUGE good news and the first thing my mother says? "Next story, don't write about that subject."

I tell them I'm bored with my job and not happy. The first thought is how it might influence them.

I just need to repeat to myself over and over again, do not look to family for verbal comfort or support. Hysterics soon follow. Ya'd think I'd learn.

 
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1 Response to "Ya'd Think I'd Learn"
  1. sugarmeesweettt said...
    1:45 PM

    So true. I agree with you 100 percent. Coming from a large family they either glorify in your problems and love the fact your having issues. Or they are so negative about everything its draining on your own persona.. bratworst feels differently about my family then I do .. but its all good. Now mom is passing and their calling me sigh.. One hates my mom so much its down right irritating to me and ones wife calls me to beg me to convince my older brother to go to see my mom .. its like they just dont get it .. so i explained it to her in laymans terms my older brother loves our mom dearly as much as i do and as you know we dont like to hear the bad or the negative about our parents and how thier life sucks .. I know I really do love and care about each and everyone of my brothers and sisters but everyone will tell you I do way better away from them then amongst them.. Its truly sad to .. because my Mom is my mentor and you would think out of 10 brothers and sisters there would be someone else for me to get my feelings of support in all that i do but there is not.. its the wierdest feeling being from a huge family and realizing that your independent .. of them and your happier with out them.. yet now I am like who is going to tell me i will be okay or say it will be fine you just wait and see .. I know bratworse is always there for me but its quite different when she says "mom, you okay" Now, I have to smile cause she knows no matter what hits or stumbling blocks or wierd ass adventures or purchases i make and give away or thing s I do .. I am always Okay. .. its a persona .. let me tell you if you put a smile on your face and fake it till you make it .. it gives that effect .. she knows what she is doing.. I thank god every day for bratwurst's love and support yea i know she is 22 and i am 42 i shouldnt be so dependent on her approval yet i find my self wanting her respect and confidence in me more than anything now. @ just a few words can mean so much to you and I will never here them again well may be I will but will it be from someone I admired and held in such high esteem that the pedestal I built for her was so huge she never seemed to fall off it .. MY MOm my mentor the things you never realize till there is a chance you wont see them again or hear thier words of comfort .. just words "gina, you will be fine" or " gina , you will be okay" those words gave me wings to fly there was no obstacle i couldnt conquer .. .. family ..we strive to be so success ful in thier eyes and they are trying to ensure you fail .. yes i know the feeling well. I am rambling sorry.

 

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